Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
