Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
vagina is talking i cant
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
