she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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