as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
