I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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