remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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