I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
