Ketchup is God's man juice
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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