My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize