is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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