They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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