I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
