just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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