Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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