Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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