Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The feeling are messing with the penis
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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