Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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