i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
