You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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