like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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