if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
