a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
