Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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