I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
