I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
