So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Are my feet made of real feet?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
