ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
