I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
