good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
