I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
sarcasm needs its own font
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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