Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
smell my finger.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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