I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
