Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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