Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
FUCK WHALES
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
