Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Randomize
