Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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