Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i was born a porn star she said
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
