It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize