This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
