Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize