I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
