Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
