Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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