I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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