Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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