Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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