Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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