I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize