Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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