PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
