my cup is half full, half full of rum.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
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