he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
