Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
