how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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