Will you blow on my dice?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
