If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
