is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
