If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
