they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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