The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
