I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize