So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
