i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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