it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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