The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
