Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
as a side note pls kill me
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
