For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
