that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
He kissed a someone with a penis
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
