the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
