im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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