Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
