I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
