they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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