true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just cropdusted the office
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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