dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Barsexuality is the new black.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
your like the ambassador to my penis.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
