I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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