haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
