kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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