I bet he comes in French.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
