meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
