is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
