The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
