Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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