hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
