how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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