I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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