We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
