Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
